Three Little Lies Page 20

  ‘Come in. Nicholas is in the piano room. Do you want a drink? How are you, anyway?’

  ‘I’m fine.’ He smiled. ‘I’d love a beer, please.’

  I bustled off to the kitchen with more urgency than the task required. Tony was pouring wine for a girl I’d seen at Monkton parties before. He grabbed my arm as I passed on my way back from the fridge with Leo’s beer.

  ‘Here, let me top you up, darling.’

  ‘I’m all right, thanks, Tony.’

  ‘No, no, come on, drink that last bit up and I’ll pour you another. Never let it be said that anyone goes thirsty at the Monktons’.’

  Reluctantly, I drained my glass and held it out for him to fill.

  ‘That’s better. Good girl. On you go.’ He patted me on the back, rather as if I was a horse, and I escaped back to the piano room. Leo and Nicholas were sitting on the sofa, and I self-consciously passed Leo his beer.

  ‘Where’s mine then?’ said Nicholas.

  ‘Oh! Sorry. I can get you one.’ I braced myself for another encounter with Tony.

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake, Ellen. I was only joking. Sit down.’

  I perched on the armchair opposite.

  ‘Have you heard from Sasha?’ I asked.

  ‘Nope, not a word. She hasn’t even called Mum since that first time. She’s texted her a couple of times, to say she’s OK, but that’s it, I think. Have you?’

  ‘She texts quite a bit,’ I said. She’d texted me twice in three weeks, perfunctory messages to which I’d replied with multiple questions that remained unanswered. ‘I haven’t spoken to her, though.’

  ‘What happened? Why did she go off like that?’ asked Leo. This was the question I had dearly wanted to ask myself, but I was ashamed to reveal how little she had confided in me.

  Nicholas took a sip of his beer. ‘She told Mum she’d run into some couple she knew from before. It was a spur of the moment thing.’

  ‘That’s weird, though, isn’t it?’ persisted Leo. ‘Going off without telling anyone?’

  ‘Not really. Maybe to you. Mum and Dad are cool with stuff like that. They want us to be independent. Why are you so interested, anyway? Do you fancy her too?’

  ‘Piss off,’ Leo said good-naturedly. ‘What d’you mean, “too”? Who else fancies her?’

  ‘Just about everyone. Hadn’t you noticed?’

  ‘Fair point. Anyway, I don’t. Obviously she’s an attractive girl, but I’m not interested.’

  I took a too-large gulp of my drink and choked. Leo came over and patted me on the back, Nicholas observing dispassionately from the sofa.

  ‘Hmm, so that’s the way the land lies, is it?’ he said. ‘I think I’ll leave you to it.’ He left the room as my coughing fit died away.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Leo said.

  I nodded, not looking at him. He balanced uncomfortably on the arm of the chair beside me.

  ‘Look, what Nicholas said…’ he began.

  ‘It’s OK,’ I said hurriedly. ‘He’s just being an idiot.’

  ‘Yes, but, the thing is… he’s right. I do like you.’

  Blood rushed to my cheeks. I stared into my drink.

  ‘Ellen?’ he said.

  I looked up and he leaned down towards me and kissed me softly. I was glad I was sitting down as otherwise my legs would have given way. He drew back and smiled at the wineglass that was shaking in my hand.

  ‘Do you want to put that down?’ he said.

  I did so, but as he bent to kiss me again, I heard a sharp inhalation of breath and we both started. Leo jumped to his feet and I turned to see Karina silhouetted in the doorway, looking at us with an unreadable expression on her face. All the conversations I’d ever had with her about Leo spooled in fast-forward through my head.

  ‘Sorry,’ she said, still staring.

  ‘It’s fine, come in,’ Leo said, oblivious to the undercurrent of confusion, or jealousy, or whatever it was.

  ‘I’m going to get a drink,’ Karina said, and left.

  ‘Right, where were we?’ said Leo. ‘Shall we sit on the sofa? I’m kind of uncomfortable up here.’

  ‘Sorry.’ I stood up, almost kicking my wineglass over. ‘I’m just going to go and see if Karina’s OK.’

  ‘Oh. Right.’

  ‘Sorry, it’s not… It’s just that… I’ll see you in a minute.’ I picked up the glass and hurried from the room, face burning.

  I found Karina in the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of wine from a bottle on the table.

  ‘You two looked very cosy,’ she said. ‘Sorry to interrupt.’

  ‘It just happened, just now… I’ve never kissed him before, I swear.’

  She laughed. ‘I’m not upset, Ellen! Is that what you think?’

  ‘Well…’

  ‘I was surprised, that’s all, and I could see I was intruding, so I thought I’d leave you to it. God, I’ve got no interest in Leo Smith, I promise you. You’re welcome to him.’

  ‘Are you sure? I know you used to like him. I wouldn’t want to —’

  ‘Ruin our wonderful friendship?’ she cut in. ‘Hardly.’

  ‘Karina…’ I wanted to say something, to acknowledge what we’d been to each other, to tell her I knew things had changed between us but that didn’t mean we couldn’t still be friends, but as I struggled to find the words, Daniel came in, going straight to the fridge and taking out a beer.

  ‘All right, you two?’ he said as he searched for the bottle opener in the kitchen drawer.

  ‘Yes, fine,’ I said. We’d never again come close to sharing a moment like the one we had in the audience at Olivia’s concert, had never discussed it, in fact, not even later that night when we all went backstage to congratulate her. Sometimes I wondered if I’d imagined it.

  ‘Here you go.’ Karina took the bottle opener from the worktop behind her and handed it to him with a smile.

  ‘Thanks, Karina,’ he said. ‘What would I do without you?’ It was spoken lightly, but I thought there was something else behind his words, a flirtation, perhaps, or a question at least.

  ‘Shall we go and sit down?’ she said.

  He made his way back to the piano room, Karina following with the bottle of wine in her hand.

  Leo was back on the sofa under the window, and I self-consciously sat down next to him, relieved to feel the pressure of his leg against mine. Nicholas was on the other sofa, and Karina joined him there, Daniel taking the armchair.

  ‘Will you play something, Daniel?’ Karina asked.

  ‘Oh, no. Maybe later. Nick might?’

  ‘Oh, I didn’t know you played too,’ I said. I’d seen him strumming a guitar a couple of times while someone else sang, but I hadn’t thought him as musical as the others.

  ‘Oh, I don’t, not really. Not like Daniel,’ he said.

  ‘Of course you do!’ said Daniel. ‘We both had to learn, didn’t we? Mummy’s little musicians.’ It was meant to be a joke, I thought, but it came out more bitterly than he had intended, and there was a brief silence in which nobody looked at him.

  ‘Let’s play a drinking game,’ said Nicholas, clearly trying to save the situation. He proceeded to explain the rules of a complicated game based around the characters in a TV show I’d never seen. As a consequence, I had to drink on practically every go, and even though I was a good deal more used to drinking than I had been at that first party nearly a year before, my head was soon spinning. After an hour or so, I got up to go to the toilet. On my way back, I went to get a glass of water. Tony and Olivia were alone in the kitchen, whispering furiously at each other. I paused outside the door. If they’d looked round they’d have seen me, but they were engrossed in their argument.

  ‘It’s not my fault,’ Tony said. ‘You can’t blame me for this one.’

  ‘You don’t help, though, do you, always pouring the drinks, and creating this… party atmosphere, just so you feel better about drinking all the time?’ hissed Olivia. ‘What did you think was going to happen?’
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  ‘She’s an attractive girl,’ said Tony. ‘I can’t —’

  I must have swayed slightly, because Olivia noticed me standing there.

  ‘Ellen, darling! Are you all right?’

  ‘Fine, fine. Need some water.’

  ‘Of course you do.’ Olivia eyed Tony ominously as he left the room. She ran the cold tap. ‘Had a bit too much to drink?’

  ‘No, no, just a bit thirsty,’ I said, enunciating carefully. She handed me a large glass of water. ‘Thanks, Olivia.’ I drank half of it down, then started to make my way back to the piano room.

  ‘Wait, Ellen.’ Olivia sounded uncharacteristically nervous. ‘Have you heard from Sasha?’

  I was too drunk and weary to pretend in the way I had earlier. ‘No, hardly at all. The odd text to say she’s having a great time.’

  ‘Did she give you any idea why she took off like that?’

  ‘Nope, not a clue.’

  She reached out a hand and stroked my hair, the way my mum used to before we started arguing all the time. ‘I know how much you were looking forward to going away with her,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘It’s not your fault.’ I was horrified to feel tears springing to my eyes. ‘Better get back,’ I muttered, beating a hasty retreat.

  Lots more people had come into the piano room while I had been away, and a boy I didn’t recognise was now sitting next to Leo, who had earned the dubious reward of downing an entire bottle of beer in one go. I stood in the doorway, watching him for a minute, unseen. Nicholas was laughing as everyone chanted, ‘Down it, down it’. Karina had moved across the room and was sitting on the arm of the chair, her hand resting lightly across the back, just inches from Daniel’s head. Suddenly, everything seemed unbearably sordid. I noticed the dark, grease-stained areas on the backs of the sofas where countless heads had rested, the threadbare patches on the carpet, the thin film of dust that coated every surface. Despite the no smoking in the house rule, somebody had stubbed a cigarette out in the fireplace and the air was thick with warm, alcohol-scented breath and something even more noxious that I couldn’t identify.

  Something inside me snapped. Without thinking, I put my water glass on the hall table, opened the front door, stepped out and closed it quietly behind me. I walked home as the shadows lengthened towards my traditional, completely un-bohemian, boring parents and the glorious, clean quiet of my own bedroom.

  Ellen

  September 2017

  After Jackson leaves, I lock up with slight trepidation. The bolts will keep me safe when I’m in the flat, but I can’t draw them when I go out. Alice lives in a part of west London I’ve never been to before, sandwiched – as these parts often are – between pockets of huge wealth. As I walk the ten minutes from the tube, well-kept Edwardian villas gradually give way to smaller houses, and then to tower blocks, kebab houses and pawnshops. I wonder if Tony has confessed to Olivia yet that he has given me the address. I know the police will be speaking to Alice, but I need to see her myself, this woman who I had longed to meet, who I had thought was going to be the most exciting, glamorous woman I’d ever seen. I find the house on a road of small, scruffy terraces that, despite their size, appear to have been broken up into several flats or bedsits each.

  I ring the bell for the ground-floor flat and wait. When the door opens, it is a shock to be looking into eyes identical to Sasha’s. This woman’s face is sunken, with wrinkles spidering out around her mouth and eyes, her blonde hair thin like straw, but she must have been very beautiful once. She probably could have been a model.

  She looks at me in suspicious silence.

  ‘Hello. I’m a friend of Sasha’s.’

  She starts to close the door, but I put out my hand to stop it.

  ‘Please. I’m worried about her.’

  ‘Why?’ She narrows her eyes. ‘She can look after herself, can’t she?’ Her voice speaks of years of late nights and cigarettes and too many drinks, or worse, but underneath, her original cut-glass accent stubbornly refuses to disappear.

  ‘She’s disappeared,’ I say quickly, trying to hold her attention, stop her from closing me down.

  ‘So?’ she says, but she’s not pushing on the door any more.

  ‘I thought you might be able to help. If you’ve got any idea where she might be…’

  ‘Me? You’re joking, aren’t you? You do know she waltzed out when she was sixteen and never looked back?’

  I think of the ugly scar on Sasha’s face and the way her body would instinctively curl up when we asked about her mother. I want to shout and rage at Alice for letting her down so badly, for daring to describe being removed by social services as ‘waltzing out’. I don’t, though. I smile through gritted teeth.

  ‘Yes, I know, but I wondered if she’d been in touch at all?’

  A group of teenage boys turns the corner at the end of her road, and as they get closer I can hear them swearing and jostling each other. One of them spots me and says something unintelligible to the others.

  ‘Can I come in?’ I say. ‘Just for a minute?’

  She looks at the boys. ‘All right.’

  We step into a small hallway and through a door into the flat, which, I realise, is not really a flat at all, it’s a bedsit, with a mattress on the floor in one corner. There’s a small faux leather sofa with two large rips in it against the wall, and a flimsy coffee table in front of it. It’s clean and tidy, though, with very few personal possessions. There’s a suitcase open on the floor next to the mattress. Alice flips the lid closed and gestures for me to sit down on the sofa. She remains standing, leaning against the sink in the kitchenette opposite.

  ‘Not what you were expecting, eh?’ she says shrewdly, as I look around in surprise. ‘Thought it would be filthy, with needles everywhere and fag butts on every surface? That’s how Olivia painted it, I dare say.’

  ‘No…’

  ‘Save it. I know what they think of me. Look, I don’t know why you’re here. I haven’t seen Sasha for years. I can’t help you. All I can say is, if she’s disappeared, she’s probably got good reason. Like I said, she knows what she’s doing.’

  ‘There are things you don’t know, though.’ As I say it, I realise she probably does know at least some of it. The case was widely reported in the press at the time; she must have seen it.

  ‘Probably.’ She shrugs. ‘Anyway, like I said —’ She is interrupted by her phone ringing in her pocket. She pulls it out and looks at the screen. Fear crosses her face and she waits a couple of seconds before answering.

  ‘Hi.’ Her bright tone is at total odds with the pallor of her face as she listens to whoever is on the other end.

  ‘Yeah… but I thought you were… OK, fine, see you in a bit.’ She hangs up. ‘You’ve got to go.’

  ‘Why?’ I remain seated.

  ‘You don’t want to know, darling. Just get out.’ I stand up and she bundles me out of the room. ‘I hope you find her,’ she says. I step out on to the street and she immediately slams the door behind me.

  I am nearly back at the tube station when my phone rings. It’s PC Bryant. I stare at it for a few seconds, wondering if this is the call that changes my life, the bridge between Before and After. I can’t not answer it, though.

  ‘Hello?’ I step into a doorway, my finger in my other ear to keep out the traffic noise.

  ‘Hi, Ellen. I just wanted to keep you posted, and ask you a couple of questions. We’ve been looking at CCTV footage of the day Sasha disappeared. We’ve picked her up leaving work at twelve-thirty and going into the bar that forms the ground floor of her place of work.’

  Café Crème. I’ve met her there before. They go there to celebrate promotions, her and her colleagues, and to drown the sorrows of those who have been made redundant.

  ‘She was there about half an hour, and then she got on the tube and went to Fulham Broadway.’

  I look across the road at the tube station. Fulham Broadway, says the sign. She was here.

>   ‘We assume that she went to see her mother, so we’ll definitely be trying to contact her again.’ Now that I’ve met her, I can’t imagine Alice taking a visit from the police too kindly. ‘Sasha then got back on the tube and went to Victoria station. We haven’t been able to ascertain yet where she went after that, but we are continuing to check CCTV footage.’

  I should tell Bryant that I’ve just been there, that Alice claims to know nothing. But maybe they will get something out of her that I couldn’t.